My Best Friend's Wedding
by frozen-delight
Summary: The big speech over, a murder prevented, a pregnancy discovered and the wedding dance done, the best man receives a phone call - and moral support from an unexpected source. Spoilers for The Sign of Three. Slightly altered ending.


A/N: Unbetaed. Apologies for any mistakes.

Spoilers for The Sign of Three. Slightly altered ending. Utterly silly. But I simply couldn't resist it.

Please enjoy.

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**My Best Friend's Wedding**

"What do you want?"

_"Hello to you too."_

"Why are you calling me? I prefer to text. So do you."

_"Yes, but this is an emergency."_

"Emergency?"

_"Two phone calls in a day and you'll give your brother a heart attack."_

"I wasn't going –"

_"Yes, you were. I saw it in your face."_

"Why do you keep John Watson's wedding under surveillance? Nothing interesting on telly tonight? Or are you just one of those dreadfully soppy people who love weddings and always cry at them?"

_"Don't be silly. I'm one hundred per cent behind everything you said about the pointless celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. More so than you, I should think."_

"What's that supposed to mean?"

_"That I'm not the one currently standing there with a lost puppy expression on my sweet little face because the love of my life has gone off and married someone else."_

"Don't be ridiculous."

_"The child won't change anything, you know."_

"I know_._"

_"He still likes you. A lot. God knows why."_

"Is there a point to this phone call?"

_"Cheer up. Do you want me to make someone die for good so you'll have a corpse to play with?"_

"Not at John's wedding."

_"In that case, try dancing."_

"I don't dance."

_"Yes, you do. I saw your lovely pirouette when you were practising with that Janine girl. Sweet of you to play matchmaker for her. What do you say to changing your profession to Consulting Matchmaker?"_

"Not interested."

_"Good. You really had me worried there. We can't have you promoting romance. And weddings. And sex. - For heaven's sake, don't look at Molly with that hurt Byronic hero expression or she'll ditch him in an instant."_

"Who?"

_"Your lookalike who she's having so much sex with."_

"You mean Tom."

_"Whatever. What about Lestrade?"_

"What about him?"

_"The dancing, silly."_

"You're not still on about that?"

_"He's alone too. He's rather sexy, don't you think? Ooh, I love his hair. And his voice."_

"Are you drunk?"

_"He loves you to bits, you know. And unlike John he doesn't believe in marriage, not anymore. You work well together. Want to try if you can act in sync on the dance floor, too?"_

"Nooo."

_"Okay. Doesn't matter. Because – woohoohoo! I've just spotted the perfect dancing partner for you."_

"You're being silly."

_"Indulge me. You move across the floor with your natural grace, looking here, looking there, wading through a sea of dull goldfish twitching to strange beats and noises, wondering, searching, sniffing the wind like a dappled deer…"_

"I'm most certainly not."

_"Keep walking. – And then, suddenly, the crowds part. And there _she_ is."_

"Oh. So you do like weddings."

_"Sleek. Stylish. Radiant with charisma."_

"Hmmm. Have you checked a mirror recently?"

_"Radiant! Bizarrely, she's on the phone. But then, so are you."_

"Are you sure you're not drunk?"

_"And although you're totally gay for blonde ex-army doctor types, you're irresistibly drawn towards her and you think –"_

"Stupid. Stupid. The waitress. I should have realised it was you."

_"Yes. But you also think: What the hell. Life goes on. Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex –"_

"Hopefully not."

_"But, by God, there'll be dancing. And with one exquisite movement, you take the phone out of her hand,_ yes, that's it and – for God's sake, put it back in my pocket, you're wasting your time. No state secrets on there at all. It's my private phone."

"Damn. Will you dance?"

"Awww. Yes."

"Ha! I knew it. You _are_ a hopeless romantic."

"Shut up and dance."

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As ever, thanks for reading.


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